The One and Only You

(hastily jotted down from a twin magazine in the doctor's waiting room)

The One and Only You

Someone will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger.

They will drive a better car. Their children will do better than yours in school.

And their partner will fix more things around the house than yours does.

So let it go – and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it: The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

The richest woman you know – the one with the car, the house, the clothes –

Might be heartbreakingly lonely.

So love YOU. Love who you are right NOW.

Tell yourself, “I’m too blessed to be stressed.”

Be blessed, ladies, and share this message to encourage another woman:

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.”

Snails

The girls have become fascinated with snails. Though I'm not crazy about the critters, I have no "flowerbed" so to speak of (thank you Crazy Cat Lady next door) that they could devour, so for the most part I just leave them be. They've become a source of endless amusement for my girls though. The same poor 3 snails get mauled repeatedly - slid off whatever they happened to be climbing at the time and plopped unceremoniously into a bug catcher.

You may think I'm unhinged for allowing, nay, even encouraging, my girls to play with snails. As long as they wash their hands when they come inside or before they have a snack, I really don't see the harm. Have you ever placed one in a clear plastic container & just watched it? The undulating muscles of its pseudopod (read - big, slimy foot) is amazing to watch & their faces, with the long eye stalks & shorter I-don't-know-what stalks can almost look expressive. But I digress...

This evening they were observing a pair of snails they had collected while I was getting dinner ready. Caleigh, in her endless wonderings asked me why some people don't like snails. I explained that a lot of people, like Grandma & Grandpa, work very hard to make their gardens look beautiful and that they don't like holes in their flowers - besides that, some people are kinda grossed out by the slimy part, I added.

Caleigh mulled over this for a few minutes while she observed the snail travel across the Glad container. Then she turned to me.

"I like snails. They look like they could be cute & cuddley... but mostly slimy."

My Hero!

Caleigh spilled yogurt on one of Alessa's stuffed animals & Alessa, completely distraught, came running into the office.

"Don't worry about it, Lessa. I'll clean it up tomorrow," I told her.

She walked back to her room and told Caleigh, "Mommy will fix it. OxyClean is my hero!"

:::sigh:::

Go Ahead, Call My Bluff

Rik was chosen to travel today to L.A. view the Museum of Tolerance with 30 other dispatchers, officers & other police personnel and return tomorrow evening.

After saying goodbye to Daddy, the girls & I started our day. I dropped them off at kindergarten and then headed to work, just like any other day. I let my boss know that I'd need to take a longer break so I could zip back to pick up the girls at 11:40, but it shouldn't take long. :::dun dun DUN:::

I continued my crazy all-children-cooped-up-inside-because-it's-rainy day not thinking any more about it. As I served my students lunch, I happened to glance at the clock and noticed it was 11:30. I all but tossed my aide the bowl of hard boiled eggs I was serving and with a chant of "PEACHES!!! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh..." I virtually ran out the front door to go pick up my girls. I knew that even though Alessa would eat the hard boiled eggs, Caleigh would turn her nose up at them and neither of them would touch the blanched broccoli. I decided I'd permit myself a quick run though the drive-thru and be back at work within 20 minutes. So much for THAT part of my New Years resolution huh?

I reached the school in record time and waited with the other parents who were huddled under the small awning - hoping my children would appear among the first few students so I could get back to work. No such luck. Alessa appeared & started chatting with another child for a moment before I asked, "Where's your sister?"

Their teacher looked at me with a look on her face & said, "She's probably dragging her feet."

"Oh? Any more than usual?" I asked.

It was at this moment that Alessa, in all the "my sibling is in trouble and I'm relishing the fact that I'm not in trouble" glory said, "She's in trouble! You'll be getting an email."

What? My stomach dropped as I looked back at her teacher and received a confirming nod. Her teacher explained that Caleigh had been talking quite a bit in class today, had been asked to stop, continued to do so, and when she was reprimanded for it (go to her desk while other children were on the carpet) she pitched a royal fit. MY little one was the subject of one of THOSE notes home. :::sigh:::

Caleigh trudged around the corner & followed me forlornly to the car. I couldn't very well give her a happy meal now. Heck, I was debating whether or not to even go through with the sleep over they were supposed to have at Grandma & Grandpa's. I knew what I had to do to prove to my child that there were consequences to our actions.

I ran back home with my children, threw together a jelly sandwich and quickly sliced an apple and threw them in a brown sack. I then DID go to McDonalds, BUT only one happy meal was ordered. We broke sound barriers getting back to my job & I sat the girls down for lunch... and I only missed 30 minutes of work. A grand total of $6.50 (minus taxes) to prove to my challenging child that my bluff cannot be called? I'd say it was worth it.

The Frustration of Parent/Teacher Conferences

I had my most dreaded conference today - my "both as his teacher & if he were MY son, I would not send him to kindergarten next year". :::pours drink:::

After my student's mother rescheduled 4 times - which irks me to no end, seeing as I view that as 2 hours worth of spots the other parents could have been filling - it was a complete waste of a half an hour.

She says she doesn't know how to control him at home when he demands to play with toys instead of doing what she asks him to do. He has free rein of the tv & DVD's. She's a stay at home mom, but doesn't spend any time with him - no real conversation, no reading to him, no sitting & teaching through play. What the hell is the use of being a stay at home mom if you won't interact with your child! I would KILL to be in your shoes. I would give ANYTHING to be able to have those years back & do them all over with my girls. Not do them differently, just again.

This child is allowed to stay up until 9 & his mother brings him to school "when he wakes up" (usually 10). I CAN'T TEACH YOUR CHILD IF HE ISN'T IN CLASS!!! I suggested that maybe she might want to bring him at 9 (allowing him to be in BOTH groups) in an attempt to catch up & then perhaps she pick him up at the "half-day" mark and work with him while his sister naps. No, she says she likes to have time in the afternoon to get things done.

I explained to her that he should at least know the letter that his name begins with... she countered with "well one of the teachers can work extra with him in the afternoon". I told her that I was concerned that he didn't know the difference between numbers & letters, let alone what you do with them. "He's just not interested in learning at home so I let him play." I told her that his lack of fine motor skills is extremely concerning - she says he doesn't like to color or use a pencil so she doesn't make him. I told her that his social and verbal and coping skills are hovering at about a 2 year old level & she asked if we had workbooks we could give him to work on. Workbooks? For social & verbal skills?

:::sigh::: Lady, I'm beginning to come to grips with the fact that I can't fix in 5 months what you've taken 5 years to screw up.

I have to realize that there are just some instances that you try as hard as you can & no matter what, the outcome will be unfavorable. I have to accept that even wishing it & willing it & working at it with all your heart doesn't magically make things happen. I have a hard time letting go of the "well, what if I did____" and "what if I had pushed him harder".

But then I look into the shining faces of my other 21 kids and am amazed at how far they've come. My rag-tag bunch of monkeys that I love with all my heart - the reasons I continue to teach with sub-par wages & waves of wet pants and biting that come with a full moon or north wind. One of my students was a left in a dumpster when born, one was abandoned in the streets of India before being adopted & coming to America a year ago, 2 have autism & one was born with massive head abnormalities. We've worked on individual goals ranging from sitting still for 4 minutes to dealing with sensory overload to abandonment issues to reading Step 1 books. Even with all the frustration & hurdles & challenges, I look at my little ones & see that the only child I'm recommending stay back is a child of privilege whose every whim is catered to.

I'm overcome and humbled at how strong & spirited & absolutely brilliant my class is.

My class has taught ME this year. ♥

The Bunny Show

From 6:45 - 7:15 tonight I got another "rollercoaster" that comes with parenthood - the kindergarten play. Alessa was Betty Bunny and gleefully got to call her sister naughty and stubborn on numerous occasions while Caleigh managed to land the lead as the "naughty & haughty & wild" Bunny Sue - a part that was not all acting to be honest.

I was told by her teacher weeks ago as they were casting for the different parts (yes, the 5 year olds had to audition for the parts they desired), that they really wanted Caleigh to be Bunny Sue - that "she'd make the perfect Bunny Sue - but they weren't sure about casting her. You see, Caleigh likes to do things HER way. I know, very surprising - I don't know where she has inherited the strong will from. Her teacher went on to say that they wanted it to remain the BUNNY show and not become the CALEIGH show - if they ask for one twirl, it means ONE twirl; if they ask for 3 hops they mean THREE hops & if directions were not followed - both during class & rehearsals - that a giant hook could very well show up from the wings & drag the little ham offstage.

I agreed with her teacher & told her, "Hey, it's a learning experience. I hope she behaves herself - we'll emphasize the importance of it - but if she doesn't, maybe it's what she needs to drop the stubborn streak."

With that being said, my child became an angel for over a month. All I had to do at the slightest hint of misbehavior was say, "What, Bunny Sue?" and it would cease immediately. It was glorious.

On the other hand, when your child is chosen for the lead of a play, they don't just have a line or 2 or the same line repeated over & over again. Caleigh had quite a few lines to memorize along with 5 or 6 songs, choreography & cues. About a week into the practicing, her teach approached me, concerned that she was having great difficulty with her cues. Alessa, on the other hand, knew her lines, most of the lines of the students around her & could feed Caleigh her lines. Their teacher suggested that we make a copy of the video from the year before & let her watch that a few times. A few times soon translated to "a few times a day". We worked constantly, every day for 5 weeks, until I thought my very soul would turn black if I had to watch "Get Hoppin'" even one more time.

But I did get to see it "one more time" - the time that counted. They could not have looked any cuter up there in their bunny ears & cotton tails. Alessa had a smile that would melt even the hardest of hearts & kept flashing "I Love You" signs to us. Caleigh felt oh-so-important with her headset mic - I'm pretty sure she was envisioning herself as Pink or Katy Perry for a few moments.

The cast was on their marks on stage, the audience began to quiet, and who is the child who causes everyone to wait because she desperately had to use the bathroom? That would be my little Bunny Sue. I turned 18 shades of red & I'm sure her teacher wanted to strangle me.

I think Caleigh wanted a big entrance.

They remembered every line (Alessa mouthed EVERYONE'S lines), they sang every song with gusto (or maybe that was just because of her headset mic), and they hit every cue like seasoned pros.

I couldn't have been prouder of my monkeys.

Mommy, The Wino?

At dinner, I carried cups out to the girls with a pitiful amount of milk in them. They looked at the cups & then to me with an expectant look.
"Sorry girls, that's the last milk in the house."
Alessa, concerned, asked, "Are you going to have water then?"
"Nope."
"Soda?"
"Nope."
"Wine?"
:::blink blink::: Pardon?

I've NEVER had wine, and I make an effort not to have them see us drink (an occasional social drink after the girls go down for the night if we have friends over). Where on earth do they get this stuff?!?!?!

Children

They tear your heart out on a daily basis & then hand it back to you with sweet smiles on their faces. It's the best thing in the world & I wouldn't trade it for anything.

2 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed...

While "napping" Alessa decided to stand on the bed (definitely verboten in the Taylor house). She inevitably fell & took the edge of the table to the cheekbone. After lots of tears, an ice pack & some snuggles, she turned to me & said "I HATE having a broken face."

My Novel... er, New Year's Resolutions

Here it goes, in all my brutal honesty, for the world to call me out on several months down the line. And you know what? I WANT you to call me out on it. I WANT you to invite yourself & your little ones over to pressure me to keep my table clear. I WANT you to send harassing emails if I haven't updated my blog in weeks. I WANT you to ask me how my grandfather is & check if I've been keeping in touch with him. Know why? Because it's always easier if you're held accountable to someone. Whether it's your Weight Watchers leader or your Husband Project Accountability Partner... guilt is a great motivator. So without further adieu: Christy's Resolutions.

*Fit into my line-dancing Rockies that still have the tags on them. Okay, so that’s quite a ways down the line (size 18) – as is my senior prom dress (size 20) – but those are my eventual “goal clothes”. You know the ones I’m talking about – you know you have them too – the one or 2 pieces of clothing to remind you of your past physique that you haven’t hucked even though you’ve been to goodwill a dozen times. Alright, I know these are likely not achievable in this year, so to be realistic...

§ Get locked down on the track to a healthier lifestyle. I’ll admit it, as of my last doctor visit in October (for x-rays after a particularly challenging student jumped onto my foot & all but crushed it), I was 306 and size 28 (3x). That number scared me more than anything else. I passed out of the 200’s. I was the exact same weight I was at the end of my pregnancy WHEN I HAD 2 OTHER PEOPLE INSIDE OF ME!!! Enough is enough. I want to be able to shop at regular stores. I want to be able to keep up with my students. I want to be able to survive my girls’ teenage years when lord only knows what they’re planning on throwing at me. I want to be there, albeit crying hysterically, at their weddings. I want to hold my grandchildren – hell, I want to meet my great-grandchildren. Smaller portions. Smaller, more frequent meals. Eat breakfast. Don’t eat after 8:30. Yesterday I received a "waive the registration costs for you & a friend" to the new program with Weight Watchers - fruits are zero points now! - and I think I'm going to go for it.

§ Walk 2 days each week for the next 3 weeks. After that, increase to 3 days for 3 weeks & we’ll see how it goes. I haven’t worked out/exercised since I was about 6 months pregnant with the girls so I’m gonna have to be realistic & play it by ear.

§ Only eat out once a week (at most) as a family. I phrase it “as a family” because there are too many times where I take the easy way out on a hectic evening and find myself grabbing happy meals for the girls. Such a terrible habit to get THEM into. I phrase it “as a family" because there are to be 2 exceptions : we decided NOT to count my MNO’s as “eating out” since it’s an ongoing once-a-month gig. And we’d like to instate…

§ Date night. Going out at least once a month. I’m talking dressed nice, get a babysitter, order from a menu that you actually hold in your hands, maybe hit a movie or play kind of evening. We realized that our last “date night” (not including SMoM events like installation banquet) was opening weekend of Avatar. It’s hard for us because he works swing shifts, but we’re going to make a concerted effort – it’s too easy to fall into the “I think I’m a roommate/nanny with ‘benefits’ and I’m starting to feel resentment”.

§ Host 4 get togethers this year. Whether it be play days (with multiple families) or adult evenings – I love to host. Which brings me to my next resolution…

§ Keep the dining room table cleared off. As it is right now, it’s just a big flat place for “stuff” to accumulate… and then get forgotten as more gets piled on top of it. I know it sounds like a weird resolution, but it’s the main thing you see as you walk into the house & it embarrasses me when I’m ashamed to have people over because of it. I’m ashamed to have had my parents over for dinner only once or twice since we moved in… 6 ½ years ago.

§ Keep up on sewing & not let the repair basket become a black hole for clothing. I put off even sewing a button back on a pair of slacks or a skirt, place it in the “repair basket” and don’t see it again for a year or 2. By that time, I’ve forgotten about it & have purchased a new one. No more I say! Sewing a button on or ironing a patch isn’t high tech sewing. I suppose I should take the plastic packaging off the ironing board huh?

§ Refinance the house. Though the thought of pulling the mortgage back out to 30 years is daunting, the thought that we could be saving potentially 1 ½ % over what we’re paying now is encouraging. I could start putting away the difference to help pay for the girls’ college or weddings.

§ Do thing that scares me every month. This is a pretty easy resolution seeing as I dig my heels in at change – life has gotten pretty predictable. So for me, this could be a new restaurant, a new activity, even invite a new friend over for a playday/chat.

§ Update my blog at least once a week for six months. I enjoy writing – I’ve been told I’m an okay writer – and I’d really like to be able to look back when I’m old & senile and read through the antics of my Twinadoes. Who knows, maybe I could even start reviewing products & get endorsements! ;)

§ Continue/increase usage of “The Husband Project” (by Kathi Lipp). Such simple things to do & such amazing benefits. All those little things you did when you were trying to “win” your spouse that you stopped doing once you “won” them -or had children - and didn’t even realize you had stopped. Hide little love notes in lunches or on the driver’s seat of his car. Hide a special treat (like salsa, a guy movie or new CD) for him to find while I’m away or out with friends. Wear a skirt more often. You know – the stuff that shows you CARE.

§ Set aside some time every evening to focus only on my children - no computer, no fixing a meal, no prep for tomorrow's lesson - storytime, listening to them read to me, having them tell me about their school day without having to get my attention in the rear-view mirror - total focus. They’re 5. I can’t believe they’re already 5. I want them to remember little snippets from these early years as fondly as I remember spending the days with my own mom. I need to slow down. As a wise man once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ;)

§ Call Poppy at least once a week & visit or have lunch/dinner with him at least once a month. He has always done so much for us. He misses us – especially the girls – and is sometimes so lonely in that big house. As hard as it is for me to spend time in there – the pain of the absence of Grammy still oftentimes strikes so hard – I need to realize that he lives through it day in & day out. I need to suck it up & go visit him with the girls more often than I do.

§ Prioritize my time better so “The Great Scourge of December 2010” doesn't become a reoccurring event. I need to make sure that I'm giving myself "down-time" - whether it be a night out with friends (thanks guys for making me have at least one night of sanity each month) or a date night and DEFINITELY at least 8 hours of sleep each night. I know it sounds like I’ve suddenly become 60 years old, but when I’m up till midnight one night and then 1 the next night and 1:30 the next and keep telling myself “I can sleep in over the weekend”, fate inevitably laughs at you and either sends you insomnia, a sick child or smites YOU with sickness.

Wow. A lot more ambitious than I originally set out to be, but I suppose if you’re in for a dime you’re in for a dollar huh?